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Giving and Receiving Feedback: How to Make Feedback Helpful

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One of the most powerful tools a mentor has is feedback鈥攂ut only when it鈥檚 done with care and purpose. Helpful feedback strengthens relationships, encourages growth, and builds trust. Unhelpful feedback, on the other hand, can damage rapport and shut down communication.

Giving effective feedback is a skill that requires focus on two key elements: intent and delivery. The first thing to consider is why we want to give the feedback. If the intent is to express frustration or establish control, the result is often negative. But if the goal is to support growth and learning, then how we deliver it becomes crucial.

To make feedback genuinely useful, here are key things to keep in mind:

1.  Be Descriptive, Not Judgmental

Avoid using words like 鈥渨rong鈥� or 鈥渂ad鈥�, which can trigger defensiveness. Instead, describe the outcome of the behavior. For example, saying, 鈥淚 noticed that Sam seemed confused after your explanation,鈥� is more constructive than saying, 鈥淵ou didn鈥檛 explain that well.鈥� This helps focus the conversation on what happened, not on assigning blame.

Also, take ownership of your feedback. 鈥淚 felt frustrated when鈥︹�� is more constructive than 鈥淵ou were being disrespectful.鈥� The former opens the door for discussion; the latter shuts it.

2.  Be Specific, Not Vague

The more specific your feedback, the more helpful and actionable it becomes. In mentoring, saying something like, 鈥淵ou did a great job leading the discussion, but you might want to slow down during transitions so everyone can follow,鈥� is far more useful than, 鈥淵ou need to communicate better.鈥�

Avoid vague comments like, 鈥淵ou weren鈥檛 clear.鈥� Instead, try:

鈥淚 noticed during your presentation that your main point about the project timeline came across a little fast鈥擨 wasn鈥檛 sure what the key deadline was. Could you clarify that next time?鈥�

Or, instead of saying, 鈥淵ou need to be more prepared,鈥� try:

鈥淚 think coming in with a few notes or questions next time would help us make the most of our time together.鈥�

These kinds of statements give your mentee a clear direction for improvement, which builds confidence instead of confusion.

3.  Be Direct, Not Dismissive

In mentoring, honesty builds trust鈥攂ut that doesn鈥檛 mean sugarcoating tough feedback. Saying, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e doing fine, but鈥︹�� can feel dismissive or confusing. It鈥檚 better to be upfront and kind. As Cate Denial (2024) notes, niceness, which equates to being agreeable, is not always the kind thing to do.

4.  Connect Feedback to Their Goals

Mentoring is most impactful when feedback aligns with your mentee鈥檚 values and goals. Even if you see something that needs improvement, it鈥檚 more effective to frame your insight around what鈥檚 important to them, whether that鈥檚 growing as a leader, improving communication, or building confidence. This approach helps feedback feel supportive rather than critical and shows that you鈥檙e paying attention to who they are, not just what they did.

5. Give Feedback While It鈥檚 Still Fresh

Timely feedback is easier to understand and apply because the situation is still clear in everyone鈥檚 mind. In mentoring, waiting too long can make your comments feel out of touch or like an afterthought. That said, timing isn鈥檛 just about speed. It鈥檚 also about sensitivity. If your mentee seems overwhelmed or discouraged, it might be better to wait for a calmer moment when they鈥檙e more open to reflection.

6.  Wait for Openness, Not Just Opportunity

Feedback is most useful when your mentee is in a place to actually receive it. If they鈥檙e distracted, stressed, or not expecting it, even well-meaning advice can land the wrong way. Pay attention to their cues and energy. If something feels off, it鈥檚 okay to ask first. A simple check-in like 鈥淲ould you be open to some feedback?鈥� can go a long way in keeping the conversation supportive instead of overwhelming.

7.  Keep It Useful and Doable

Feedback is only helpful when it focuses on things your mentee can actually change. Comments about personality traits, past mistakes, or unchangeable circumstances are not only unproductive but can leave someone feeling stuck or discouraged. Instead, direct your feedback toward behaviors, choices, or strategies they can adjust moving forward. This helps your mentee feel capable and supported, and it makes the feedback something they can act on with confidence.